I like it when my situation changes sometimes. And sometimes I hate change. I just plain ole don't like it unless it's the kind of change that involves large amounts of money being thrown in my direction. Let me preface the previous comment by saying, yes I know I can make a ton of stripper jokes, but I don't always like to direct my humor in the most obvious fashion. My efforts at writing are sometimes affected by my inability to accept change and be okay with it because my mind and my ideas keep rotating one after the other and I can never really settle on a subject because I keep adjusting it; changing it; evolving.
I like the word "evolving" because it seems more mature and not so flaky and young. Evolution to me denotes some adult-like skill to see change is coming and handle it; be steady; act like a grown up (this is what my father would say to me at 14 years of age which kind of pissed me off because the man was 39 and still didn't know how to handle his money and would ask me for bus fair...another time another blog post).
Placing the idea of change; its philosophic fabric in my mind's hand and trying to weave it into some kind of security blanket, never worked and the threads would stick out at weird angles and unravel into this big mess of cloth that left me; that leaves me crying and confused and inconsolable.
I want to patch things but I can't thread a needle or sew worth a shit and I can't always accept things and people and situations will not always be the same.
I've taking the sewing metaphor too far and I probably sound really stupid or like I'm trying to be overly smart or important and I'm really not. I just want to try and make sense of why I don't want to let go of things as they are.
