A friend of mine complimented me on my hair this week. It was freshly done; dark and sleek. I knew I looked good. Then again I always believe this.Curious, my friend asked if I think about wearing my newly relaxed tresses in their natural, kinky form. My diplomatic, soft answer was, "Hell no!"
She wasn't taken aback by the tone in which I answered, but laughed and asked why. Honestly, I had to actually think; delve deep down and wonder why I had such a strong answer to this question.
It's not because I'm ashamed by my hair's natural rough texture or its proclivity to kink up at the mere thought of any kind of rain or moisture.
I simply believe I look better like this. But is this my belief or one of a society that deems me prettier the longer and straighter my hair?
My mom came up in the time of the afros; black power fist combs entrenched and entangled in proudly nappy, dark black and brown manes.
I was raised in the era of hot combs and Motions chemical relaxer. Long, luscious tresses flowing freely just like in those commercials with, well with white women.
I didn't see very many women of color on shampoo commercials when I was younger so my sense of beauty was somewhat shaped by European standards. I will admit that.
However, I also had my own ideals of African-American beauty and true pride in my appearance. I reveled in my darker skin and preferred my fuller lips. I loved my wider nose and shapelier form. I just didn't like my hair. Not because it was nappy and I was embarrassed. It was just really a pain to comb and style when it wasn't straight.
As a young girl from five to 10, it sometimes took three women to do my hair. My mom washed my hair; my Aunt Dee Dot straightened my hair with a hot comb; my Aunt Rochelle would French braid my hair.
When I was 11 and got my hair relaxed, it hurt like hell. It hurt like walking barefoot on hot coals while eating jalapeño peppers covered in hot sauce, but damn if I didn't look good afterwards. My first major lesson as a pre-teen girl: Beauty is pain.
I don't think anything is wrong with how one wears their hair. Like decisions about whether or not to watch reality television, it's a choice.
I choose to straighten for convenience. I'm not necessarily making a statement about my race and beliefs of maintaining some invisible ethnic code of morality.
A subject no matter how trivial to some can be given power purely off the importance placed behind it. My hair and what I do with it is my decision and no one else's.
"My hair and what I do with it is my decision and no one else's."
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Did you ever see "Good Hair," the documentary by Chris Rock. I never knew how seriously Black women take their hair until I saw that movie. It IS hard sometimes to wonder if what we do in terms of our hair and appearance is because we like it, or because of culture/society's ideas of beauty.
I love, love, love this blog post. I know there's a movement among some Black women to go natural for various reasons -- personally, I think Afro styles and straight styles both look beautiful.
I also grew up struggling with my hair (it's naturally curly but grows frizzy and Afro-ish). These days, I go natural most of the time, but for special occasions, I bring out the hot iron. :)
As always Eve thanks so much for your support! I saw the documentary and really enjoyed it. Through humor Chris Rock really exposed a lot of what African American and ethnic women go through to maintain certain ideals of beauty -- and not those of their culture, but those of their adopted homeland.
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